Prosthetic malfunctions, grandmas and straights -- oh my!
(That's my version of going through the woods en route to see the Wizard of Oz.)
For the first time since the summer of 1983, I got a blow job from a girl!
Actually it was a 60 year old Russian woman -- and I was dressed in drag as Marilyn Monroe.
But we'll get to that later...
Last week was the LGBT 9th Anniversary party and it was a pretty amazing event, bringing out a great mix of young and old, black and white, male and female, gay and straight and everything in between those extremes.
The main focus of the evening for me was a performance I had to do with my fellow hostess Dee (a very sexy trannie). She was my duet partner and we were lipsynching to the original version of "No More Tears (Enough is Enough.)" Being the sexy Latina, she did the Donna Summer part, leaving me with someone named Barbra Streisand.
Earlier in the week, in addition to rehearsing the number, we also went shopping for outfits at Mandee (in the Atlantic Center/Brooklyn) and bought the same dress on sale: http://www.mandee.com/product/QAA/MD-M03011032509650/264/
It looked great on both of us and they had one more in the size we needed, so we bought two and decided to have "the same dress" be the story of our performance: we would start out in one outfit (different styled feather boa-lined pancho/jackets) and then as we took them off, realize we were wearing the same outfit and get into a fight that turns into sex as I realize how much I enjoy her whipping me with my own glove.
Well, the performance was a hit. The crowd really seemed to get into it!
We kept it as fresh as possible to fill the song's entire 4 minutes and 43 seconds!
(It's a long one! Ahem.)
One snafu (that turned out to be comedy gold): Since Pickles has a short upturned nose, there's no way she could pull off Barbra Streisand, so a wax prosthetic was employed, courtesy of Ben Nye wax and some olive oil to smooth it into shape.
I was actually quite frightening looking with heavy, dark eye makeup, more like a wicked witch.
And to top off the outfit, I had a white afro and a headband made from a silver sequined elastic belt that was too big, so I twisted it around and under the back of the wig, and wrapped it around my neck as a choker, locking it in the front. It looked amazing!
But once the disco part of "No More Tears" kicked in and I really started to ham it up and move around, my nose immediately fell off onto the stage.
The audience noticed and immediately responded positively. So at my earliest convenience, I bent over and picked it up and tried to mash it back on my face. About 20 seconds later it fell off again and my choker/head band combo came undone.
It was like my entire costume was literally falling apart as the song continued.
But the show must go on and we made it to the end with much applause, my belt wrapped around my neck like a scarf and my wax nose smeared all over the stage floor.
With the show behind me, and my Barbra nose non-existent, I refreshed my makeup, put on a new outfit and proceeded to monitor the space to make sure everyone's behavior was appropriate.
In the back room, a sexy lean (German?) woman with blond spiky hair was on the bed with three big-dicked African-American men. Clearly she was controlling the situation, and I've seen her play before, so I wasn't worried so much about what was happening there.
Next to the bed, however, were two OTHER young African-American men that were sitting on a leather padded sawhorse watching... and watching in a way that didn't feel right. They kinda looked like straight dudes enjoying watching a girl get fucked. So Pickles approached them:
Pickles: So... what are you guys into?
Guys: No answer.
Pickles: You like watching girls get fucked?
Guys: nodding.
Pickles: So you're straight?
Guys: Yeah.
Pickles: Well, I'm sorry, but we don't allow straight guys at this party, so I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Guys: Oh, ok. We didn't know that.
Pickles: ...NOW!
Guys: We want our money back, then.
Pickles: Yes, you'll get you money back. Let's go.
And I led them back to clothes check to get dressed and leave.
Apparently they complained to the other staff people that they hadn't gotten a chance to relax into the party... and were just told to leave for no reason.
So... what would've happened after they "relaxed into the party?"
They would've changed their sexual orientation with a few beers?
I don't have the time or patience for that kind of bullshit.
And even later on, the girl on the bed told me she noticed the guy closest to her on the sawhorse and felt something wasn't right about the way he was watching.
That element CAN'T be at this party if it's to succeed.
And after nine years, I think we're getting the hang of it.
Clearly they hadn't been there before and didn't read the rules posted at the entrance. They arrived with a gay friend (that probably got them in -- gay by association), but even the gay guy didn't realize queer-friendly hetero men are not invited.
As much of an exciting power trip it is to catch people like that and kick them out, just knowing that they're there in OUR queer space, invading OUR turf... it's like, can't we have SOMETHING that's just for us?
Why do straight men have to come in and spoil it?
And trust me (after nine years, I know) they do (spoil it.)
Once they were gone I felt a sense of relief.
Kind of like after the show.
And I could perhaps get a little involved with someone as long as I kept up my monitoring duties.
And the man I wanted to play with was there -- an INCREDIBLY sexy I-Want-To-Marry-You Indian guy with a beautiful cock, an amazing ass and the most dazzling eyes/eyelashes you'll ever see.
He ALSO happens to be into feet and I've written about him before -- with my foot through the glory hole to help him cum. ("Nice to Feet You" Sept. 4, 2010)
Actually I called him Abraham at that time and said he was "Middle Eastern." I'm pretty sure he told me his heritage was Indian, so let's change that to Abrahindi.
Whatever. He's HOT!
And he's TOTALLY gay, has had a boyfriend for years, but wants to try something with a woman and for it to happen organically, not something contrived that will end up being a show for everyone to watch. (But ANYTIME a woman is having sex at one of the LGBT parties, it BECOMES a show, so good luck with that Abrahindi!)
There weren't many bisexual women at the party wanting to play with men, but there was ONE he had expressed interest in -- and she's a regular at the party: a 60 year old Russian woman who always arrives early with her husband (or I assume it's her husband) and will give her pussy up to almost any friendly guy who wants it. And many (hot!) guys do! (I'm mean COME ON -- it's genuine PUSSY and pussy rules this world, I've learned!)
She kinda looked like Alice Ghostly (from "Designing Women" or "Bewitched").
So as much as Abrahindi didn't want a forced scene, he and "Olga" were in the same room. And Pickles was going to make it happen.
I had already talked to Abrahindi about so he knew what I was up to, it was just a matter of bringing in Olga.
So Pickles approached her in a yellow chiffon accordion-pleated mini dress reminiscent of Marilyn Monroe (according to others) white wig turned backwards to create a mini-Farrah flip look.
Olga took the bait, as her equally-aged husband (seated nearby) unenthusiastically looked on. She reached under my dress and began playing with my dick.
UGH!!! A "girl" touching my dick. Yuck!
So I looked over to Abrahindi and motioned with my head for him to come over and join us. He happily obliged.
I encouraged him to take out his dick so Olga could see it too. He was already getting aroused and before I knew it, Olga's fondling of my penis turned into a full fledged blow job! This 60 year old Russian grandmother was sucking my cock as I was dressed like Marilyn Monroe!
Ok, so maybe she's not a grandmother, but she's certainly old enough to be one.
And she WAS sucking my dick and I WAS getting hard!
Yes, Olga was a masterful cock sucker, but what was making me erect was having Abrahindi next to me, with our arms around each other, watching our dicks get worked.
Yes OUR dicks, because within less than minute after sucking my dick, Olga was grabbing Abrahindi's with her free hand.
Incredible. What a pro!
It was making Abrahindi hard and that in turn was keeping me aroused!
Abrahindi responded to the attention by putting his hand down Olga's loose red blouse to fondle her 60 year old breasts.
The nerve!
But she didn't push his hand away; she was accepting his aggressive behavior, as I accepted hers.
The whole scene couldn't have lasted for more than five minutes from beginning to end, because frankly, I was kind of grossed out by it (not because she was older, but because she was a girl)!
But it allowed me more time with Abrahindi who admitted he'd like to try fisting a girl, but has never done it, let alone, fuck a girl.
He's really kind of traditional in his interests: he likes his girls feminine and his men, older and masculine.
And trannies and drag queens like Pickles don't fit into that equation.
And even if I changed back to myself, he said it'd be hard to get the image of Pickles out of his mind. So I guess I shot myself in the foot with that one.
As for our three-way, I think it ended it before Olga even got around to sucking Abrahindi's dick.
Abrahindi ended up playing with another girl later in the night and at least got to finger her, which was a new fantasy fulfilled for him.
And me?
Well, as I said at the outset, that's that second blowjob I've gotten from a girl -- the first one being in the summer of '83.
And hopefully the next one won't be for another 28 years.
An article just came out in The Village Voice that includes an interview with Pickles, my drag alter ego.
