Open Letter to a 'Friend with Benefits'

I want to write this and not offend you because I think you're an amazingly talented guy who is super sexy and fun to play with. And I mean REALLY fun!

Damn.
I don't know how to write this, because I know you'll get defensive.
And it's gonna sound like I'm judging you.
But is it judging to evaluate someone's behavior and come to the conclusion that it scares me? And that it makes me afraid for my OWN safety?

It's the barebacking.
I know how much you like the idea of it: the videos, the fetishizing, the fantasies... But the last time we were together you mentioned getting barebacked by someone you just met, perhaps because he said he was negative. And you accepted that and took the risk.
And stepping from fantasy into THAT reality scares me.

If that kind of behavior continues, it's like Russian Roulette and only a matter of time before the bullet infects you. It's happened with MANY of my other friends -- a slippery slope of self-destructive behavior. And it IS self-destructive. And I care about you too much to sit back and not say anything.

Truthfully, it kind of turns me off.
Yes, I've played into the fantasy and whispered into your ear about your getting raped by guys shooting their loads into you. But that's fantasy. You crossed a line. And now I even feel guilty about participating in the fantasy at all.

You are STILL super sexy and I want very much to continue playing with you, but I will not bareback you. Can you accept that? Can you have sex that's still super hot, but doesn't risk seroconverting? Are using condoms really such a turn off?

You see, that guy who said he was negative. Maybe he was negative the last time he got tested. But he could've just contracted HIV (clearly he enjoys barebacking) and he's not testing positive yet. And that's the time when people are most infectious. So he gives it to you, YOUR test comes out negative because it's too early to get an accurate result and then you bareback with me because we've known each other for so long and we're both testing negative. But in actuality, you're NOT negative. And now we BOTH have it.
Then what?

I DON'T want HIV. It's like inviting cancer. Who wants to live with a chronic "manageable" illness that may or may not be kept at bay, checking my blood every six months hoping my t-cell count is high and my viral load is low? What if I catch a different strain of HIV that's gonna require a whole other drug combination, or worse yet, is drug-resistant? And who knows what the long term effects will be of taking any of those drugs into my system? I don't want to find out. I DON'T WANT HIV!

Is it REALLY worth it? Do you want to risk getting HIV just because it feels good and you want to feel more connected to someone?

How about connecting to ME. The REAL me, who cares about you and wants you to live a long healthy life.

And by the way, does your boyfriend know about any of this? I know you bareback with him. What does HE think?