Trannie Trifecta

Note trannie illusion above: knot your jeweled necklace to draw attention to your cleavage. (Thanks for the suggestion Davinna, I think it worked!)


Three parties in a row this weekend -- all winners!
And lots to talk about...

The second party wasn't a tranny party, but it did include one shaved body (a trannie indicator) in the midst of hairy bears. That shaved body was mine, courtesy of participation at the previous night's event. But I likely won't do it again anytime soon, because impersonating a woman is just too high maintenance and I'm a low maintenance kind of guy. Or maybe I'll just have to figure out a solution. Like a Grandma character who requires little makeup and maybe has some hormonal imbalance causing facial hair. And wearing the reading glasses (that I always have with me) won't spoil the look, but enhance it! I can wear comfortable shows and loose fitting clothes. Like actress Vicki Lawrence as Thelma "Mama" Crowley Harper from the 80's sitcom "Mama's Family."
But is Grandma going to get any sex? "Yes!" (See image above.)

Now let's get to the first event, Friday night's new trannie party.
The difference between that party and all the others at our space was that the promoter didn't want to turn people off by requiring them to check their pants. So there were men walking around completely clothed. Some even had jackets/coats on. It felt very perverse -- like flashers in a dark alley looking for clandestine action. That could be hot, but at a private residence it seemed out of place, especially at a sex party. And as a "girl" being pursued by men -- walking into a room with eight guys and you're the only girl -- I've never felt so objectified -- truly a piece of meat. And not in a good way. Well, until I got to know some of the men one-on-one.

One of the high points of the evening was being able perform oral sex on a guy I've liked for years and always fantasized about. I propositioned him when he alone. (He knew who I was.) And he seemed more than willing to take me up on my offer now that I was in full regalia. He brought me to an adjacent room, laid back on a 4x5 foot platform covered with a vinyl pad and already had his erect dick out of his zipper. He seemed to be enjoying my services (yay!) but after a couple minutes also seemed to be a bit out-of-it. As I pleasured him I glanced up to notice he had turned his head to the side and was vomiting on the floor! (Thank god he avoided my designer wig!) I was shocked to see him in such a state, since I'd never seen him like that in all the years I've observed his behavior. He later said he had mixed beer and liquor (never sicker)! Still, I got to suck his dick. And as the consummate hostess, I fetched him a bottle of water from the lounge area once I realized he needed service of another kind.
It's funny though how some fantasies -- when they come true -- don't exactly pan out as you had imagined.

I had many potential outfits to wear that night, the first one I donned being a librarian/whore: I wore no makeup and had a short blond bob with the bangs pulled back by a bobby pin, wearing glasses that made me look like the singer Kelly in the YouTube sensation "Shoes." Plus a black bra, a white tutu, and black patent leather high heeled platform boots. Cute. But I wasn't getting any play from a sexy Israeli guy I was interested in, so I went upstairs and put on full face dark exotic makeup, black lips, a huge brunette wig and a long black dress slit all the way up the back, exposing my ass crack. As soon as I made my entry, the Israeli was all over me, having no clue I was the blond girl with the glasses. Actually I don't think anyone knew I was the same girl. The only common elements were my height, the same black boots and black fishnet stockings (which worked great at covering my hairy legs)!
In this case, versatility and fast response time were handsomely rewarded.

One man told me he enjoyed dressing up as a girl too and asked if I wanted to see what he was secretly wearing! Of course I did. And clearly he was just itching to get out of his man clothes! I thought he'd be wearing a pair of scarlet colored panties, but instead this beefy bear was wearing one of those Borat slings that look like suspenders making a V-shape down to your crotch and ram up your ass. As soon as he stripped down, he instinctively turned around and stuck his ass out, bending over on all fours as if to be spanked, which I did. At that point he said that as soon as he saw me, he knew I was kinky like him.

Speaking of bears and sticking your ass out, the following afternoon was the Bear Party.
I had previously arranged with a friend to do a live fisting demonstration and have it play live on the monitors throughout the club. He was going to bring the camera and I was going to find a cord to plug it into our system. It was incredibly easy to set up and the crowd was really into it, taking turns at his ass -- as he wanted. He was positioned in a way that allowed him to watch the monitor as his ass was being punch fucked and penetrated by anyone willing to do it.
It also helped that he's very good looking and in shape. Not a bear. Not a twink. More like a naturally toned hottie new to fisting and wanting to be the center of attention and accessible to all.
He had some sort of home made lube that is incredibly slick and water-based -- better than Crisco. The bizarre thing about it is it's slimy and stringy like a horror movie. I found some once when I was cleaning up after a party and it scared me -- was this some bizarre toxic chemical? I found out it's called J-Lube and it comes in powder form, gets mixed with water and is used by gynecologists, farmers and creators of movie special effects (slime!) Oh -- and it's used by fisting bottoms, too! And it's water-soluble, so clean up is a breeze.

The fisting scene was Saturday afternoon. That evening was the third party of our Trannie Trifecta, the LGBT 8th Anniversary party.
People were saying it's the best party we've ever had. Some of the trannies and their "chasers" returned, only this time, as a designated "underwear party," stripping down was required creating a completely different vibe.
What can I say about the party? We had a fashion show, a strip show, live singers, lipsynchers and disco music playing the entire night. And of course live Grandma sex for any takers.

When Eve has more to offer than an apple...

(Please note above my photoshopping expertise regarding Eve's anatomy. In addition to Adam's Rib, God also used other parts of Adam when he created this Eve! Let the "Adam's Apple" jokes commence.)


A new party starts tonight, so of course there's excitement in the air whether it will do well. I know it will. Why? Because the promoter did an initial posting on Craigslist and got 500 responses in the first ten hours!
That many people won't show up at our private residence (I hope!), but it's clear the interest is there.

This new event is only for trannies and their admirers -- a group of people who were beginning to dominate the LBGT party that we have, so it's nice they can break off into their own event.
The problem with trannie chasers (the men into the "ladies") is that they are mostly straight identified, so when they show up at the LGBT party (where hetero men are not allowed) people ask what all these straight guys are doing here. Well, they're not straight (in the traditional sense): they want chicks with dicks. So if you're a gay guy who's hitting on one, they will not respond with sexual interest.
And at a GAY party, that just doesn't seem right.
So good for them that they'll have their own event.

The thing with parties featuring trannies -- usually the girls involved are "working girls" looking to make some money. The cool thing about this party is that the girls will be there because they want to have fun -- they're looking to get their orifices filled, not their pocketbooks. (Well some of them might be tops who want to fill the GUYS' orifices! But still, it'll be free.) And trust me, these guys love the penis. Because if they weren't into cock, they'd be called heterosexuals and they'd be into women, not trannies.
And isn't it refreshing to get some of that and not have to pay for it? Well, we do ask for a donation at the door. But it's nominal and you can play with as many "girls" as you want -- as long as they're into you!

It's also possible that for some of these chasers this is a way to deal with their homosexual tendencies. I've seen guys at the the LGBT parties going after trannies for years, and then eventually they ask about what other events we host and they end up at a party for men only! Although perhaps in search of a more feminine guy.
The spectrum is broad and varied and who am I to judge? Live and let live. Just be safe and respectful, that's all I ask.

Sore Loser. Did I say SORE? I meant "Anally sodomized"

aka: Design Class 301 (Critical Analysis)

The NYC Department of Health is having a condom package design contest.
A sex party co-host of mine wanted to enter and had the idea of using a sewer cover as the image, so she took a photo and sent it to me to create a design.
The original slogan she came up with was "Cover Your Manhole" which I immediately knew wouldn't work because men don't refer to their urethra as their "manhole." And if you're referring to your anus as your manhole... well... that doesn't apply to the entire male population. And referring to any hole being penetrated as belonging to the man -- "your manhole?" That's just wrong. Covering the hole isn't how a condom functions. (Although sperm does flow out of one.)
So I suggested the simple "Cover It."
But that didn't work design-wise with two words of such differing lengths.
Another friend suggested "Keep It Covered" which split rather evenly in terms of design and had a nice sound to it. So "Keep It Covered" it was.
In terms of font selection I chose big block letters, because I wanted them to be white and translucent to resemble the latex inside the package. (Clever, right?)
I then spent six hours photoshopping a sewer lid to create a pattern that wasn't there and metal letters that didn't exist. So instead saying "NYC Sewer," I took apart the letters N.Y.& C. to create the word "CONDOM." And did it quite well, thank you!
I have to say, I thought my design was rather elegant. But it wasn't my concept and I didn't take the photo. I worked with what I was given and submitted it online to wait for the results.
The five finalists were to be voted on by the public, online.

In the meantime, we had a big promotional campaign all planned out: contact all of our party promoter friends with their lists of thousands. We also have our own huge email list. Plus we'd go on any talk show that would accept us -- to discuss sex parties (Hi, Howard Stern!) and our condom package design. We were truly going to go out and campaign for the vote. Even if our design wasn't the best or most clever, we'd win because we had so many contacts and because of our reputation for safe sex within LGBT community! We use way more NYC condoms than all of those other designers! I was even going to create a drag character and a promotional video to promote safe sex to be played at the press conference when the winner was announced! It was all planned out.
That character might be the only salvageable remnant of this catastrophe though, because three weeks later the nominees were announced and we were not even one of the finalists!
And to make it worse, one of the other nominees had a sewer cover in their design. They had stolen our concept! And their design style sucked!

Us vs. Them:
I'll admit I like elements of their design better: the perimeter of their hole (!) is more interesting with the notches (it looks like a gas or oil cap, not a sewer cover) and the cobble stones are very New York. And the size of their lid is smaller inside the frame, so from a distance, it even looks like a condom inside a package, with the notches looking like the wrinkled packaging around the condom. And there's more contrast in their image, so it grabs your attention more.
But... the "NYC Condom" lettering they have pales in comparison to my clever metal lettering. And my translucent block letter? It adds an element of sophistication that theirs doesn't have. They even created a fake looking grid on their cap to simulate a manhole cover. Hideous! But it does provide for contrast when viewed in a darkened night club.
Also: "Keep It Covered" is a slogan, and the judges might be looking more at the logos and images, not the words. And without the slogan, my design is kind of gray and the sewer cover is too big; it doesn't look like the condom floating inside the package like theirs does.
And what about the Spanish speaking/reading population? Will they understand "Keep It Covered?" I had never even considered that!
Nonetheless, I want to talk to those judges!

But fuck all that. Maybe they found out I ran sex parties and didn't want someone with my reputation winning the contest! (I've heard from sources that "the Department of Health knows who I am.") Yes! It's a conspiracy!
But no, the designers' names were not shown throughout the vetting process so as not to influence the judges. (For example, an Asian judge might be biased in favor of a design by someone named HungLo.)
So it's not that. I just have to face the fact that our design did not win.

It's all moot anyway.
The sewer cap is not the best concept and won't win, even though it's a good photo. I like the idea of one of the other nominees with a subway train going into a tunnel (symbolic -- hello!), but the execution sucks; it's a small white illustration on the bottom of a solid black wrapper.
The winner (other than us!) should and will be a computer ON button. Which is comprised of two shapes: a circle being penetrated by a straight line. It has tons of sexual innuendo and says "turn me on." Like a sperm entering an egg. A phallus entering a hole. Perfect. Simple. Instantly recognizable.
The only problems? The color selection they chose sucks (not tasteful) and it's not NYC-centric. But who cares? It's more clever than anything related to NYC. Still, isn't it copyrighted by Apple?
Byte into that, asshole judges! But I could be wrong.

Addendum:
There was a piss party at the space this past weekend.
Open to men of all ages. It used to be the only piss party we had, so they were known as "The Piss Party." But then another one started for younger men, prompting me to label them "Old Guy Piss Party" and "Young Guy Piss Party."
So on Saturday night I was talking to a friend about "The Old Guy Piss Party" when its promoter walked by and overheard me. He was mildly offended, but not really -- he thought it was funny. Although he preferred the label "Original Piss Party!"
They have been around since the 1970's.
"Original Piss Party" it shall be, then!

The Finger Swipe

Dare I say my faith in sex parties has been restored?!

After 2 1/2 weeks in Spain, it felt like hosting sex parties was just too much, something to move on from. Time once again to find a real job. I was living in a time zone six hours later, my body had not adjusted and I knew it was going to be a challenge to stay up until 5 or 6 in the morning to host the party. Yes, I had some Coca Cola and Little Debbie Treats to keep the energy up, but more importantly, something happened that completely changed my attitude about what can happen at a sex party and why I've always liked them: I was invigorated by meeting someone new and connecting in a passionate way! It was also nice to be distracted from my own malaise, by becoming fixated on his ass.

Before that happened though, I'd become so tired of parties I'd have preferred to take a nap and let someone else take over. But that's not how it works. I have a job to do. I took off my manager t-shirt that literally says "Quality Sex Observer" and decided to walk around naked. That's always a way to get things going and get my tired old blood circulating (well the "circulation" seems to only stay in one area).
As I checked in on the fornicating couples, making sure they were using condoms, I established eye contact with a young (30-ish) hottie and brushed my hand against his ample ass, then moved to an adjacent room. He followed.
Upon closer inspection his ass was just right -- like Goldilocks finding which bed was perfect for her. Not too big, not too small, not too hairy. This is the soft, but firm pillow I can rest my head on for many nights to come -- and eat like porridge in the morning. (Salad tossing? Please. Whoever came up with that slang term never had a solid main course of ass. And I don't mean shit!)

You must always do the absolutely essential "FINGER SWIPE," before having a meal, though. Here's the protocol: while hugging your partner, move your hand down, feel their bare ass and gently swipe the right index finger (left if you're left handed) through the crack, as though grazing a white cotton gloved finger across a luminous ebony Steinway to check for dust. Only you're checking for scent. Any scent. Then raise both arms up to give your partner a hug around their neck and turn your head to the same side that matches the hand that did the swipe. (Your right hand would now be on the left, so turn your head to the left.) Discretely -- and this is the most important part -- lift the just-probing-finger to the nose and inhale.
Smells good? Yay. Big hug. Time for dinner.
Smells bad? Well... it depends what you're into...

The shape of the butt is very important while standing -- that it curves out on the top side of the ass, not just the underside -- but the most important aspect is how it appears and opens up when they are bent over. (A popular gogo boy I played with has the ass of death, but when he bends over, there's so much flesh and muscle that your tongue can't even get to the hole! Or maybe he just wasn't bending over far enough.)
There needs to be access to pink. I want mucous membrane! And no hard bumps. No soft bumps. No bizarre fleshy things. Nothing dangling from adjacent errant hairs.

And if they pass inspection? Meal time -- if they're into it. Shockingly not all people like to have their asses eaten. And my whisker stubble has created some unwanted abrasions I'm sure. But if they are into it, find a comfortable place where the ass can be put on display and properly consumed. There's nothing worse than cranking your neck out of joint to access someone standing upright as you sit crouched on a dirty floor!