Reason #435 to meet someone in real life first, before getting overly involved on the internet!
I thought it would be fun to try the internet again as a way to meet guys. I had done it about 15 years ago when I got my first computer and access to an AOL M4M chat room. Well, it seems times have not changed. People are often not what they purport to be and as I've said a million times (as a photographer, I know): people don't look like their profile picture.
So I found this guy on a website, who said said he was European, but has been living in the U.S. for 10 years. However, he asked that there not be any questions about his home country -- he's not a travel agent! (Or does he really just not know anything about the country he "pretends" to be from?)
His photo looked great: youthful, smiling, average body, but acceptable. He said he was 37, but he looked younger, maybe early thirties. So I sent an email just saying "You're very good looking!" He responded the same. Great! A sexy guy who thinks I'm sexy too!
We ended up chatting on a message site that allows you to have immediate text exchange, but no video. (I've talked to my family on Skype, but have never used it for sex.)
He mentioned that he was from a well known European family (I could Google them!) but that he's not in touch with any of them anymore, and really as far as he knows, they're dead!
Ok, that's Red Flag #1 "All my family is dead; they're a well known family, but I'm estranged from them anyway." It just doesn't add up. Or is so far beyond my relationship with my family that's it's hard to comprehend.
He also asked if I "like to party (code word for doing drugs)." No I didn't. And him? "Yeah, I do cocaine about twice a week."
That's Red Flag #2. And when I made a joke about his "cocaine addiction" he really got offended -- typical addict behavior: immediate denial and subsequent place of blame on the other person! Addicts don't like being called out on their shit. And if you're doing cocaine twice a week, well, I think you have a problem. You're too old to be partying like that. I'm willing to question and investigate my behavior. Those who don't need help!
I asked him about "Coke Dick." What's that? "It's when you can't can't an erection because you're doing so much coke." "Oh, that's what Viagra is for!"
Great: one drug to curb the side effects of the other! Nice combination there.
But his photo was cute and the conversation was turning kinky and he's into my shit, so I boldly continued forward, in spite on his drug use and questionable family history.
Red Flag #3: I made it pretty clear that I use condoms for fucking, but when it came time to arrange a hook up, he wanted to know if the possibility existed that we could bareback! "Well, if we've known each other for a long time and trust is gained and we get tested together and are negative, it might be a possibility." I was grasping at straws to pacify him, because there was a lot of other kinky safe stuff we could do and I didn't want to lose our connection on those things.
So I was tired, it was 7:30am (!) and I wanted to sleep, but he "was still horny," so I did some dirty text chatting to get him off. Eventually after about five minutes of writing him dirty ideas (I assume he was masturbating and just reading my words) I realized he had signed off! Without even saying goodbye! That was a BIG Red Flag #4.
After hours of conversation, it ended abruptly after (I assume) he came. I re-checked the conversation to see if there was an orgasm in there I missed! Or maybe a quick goodbye -- there wasn't. Well maybe it was a bad connection. I went to my AOL to send him a message (where he had sent me a picture of his ass -- which was hairy and he said he had shaved it -- Red Flag #5!) But there was no response. No re-connect on our texting messenger service. He was gone.
Wow.
Had I just been used for sex? Was all that a hoax? Hours of intense shit to be left without a goodbye? Ok, let it go... Move on!
But then, was that even his photo? It all seemed legitimate -- he even gave me his name and phone number. But when I called (earlier at 5:00am) he said I woke up his "roommate" and that he couldn't talk. Couldn't talk. Hm... He said the arrangement in his apartment was weird. "Is he your boyfriend?" "No, he's my ex, we sleep on opposite corners of the room." Ok. Red Flag #6.
It was all strange. I went to bed.
The following day I went back on the internet to figure out what had happened and he was on the website already! So I sent a note on the messenger service and texted his phone. "What happened last night?" "I used someone else's internet connection, so it's not reliable."
Ok, that sounds suspicious (Red Flag #7). And he's busy right now, but we can talk later.
Hm... later... was he blowing me off?
Was he even who he said he was?
And that's when I started to push, because I knew this was all a scam. The photo wasn't even of him! All I wanted was for him to call me so I could hear his voice and recognize a European accent. But no, he was busy. He was on an "important business call to Europe!" Then why are you writing me and checking your texts if you're on an important phone call? (Red Flag #8!) "Because I can multi-task." Ok.
I didn't believe him. If was all part of the charade and he had no intention of following through on anything. He wasn't from Europe. He had no accent. He wasn't from some famous family. And his family wasn't dead. He was just a poor sad middle aged coke addict typing away on his computer to get himself off.
I was not going to get my aural confirmation.
And so the investigation began.
He had given his name, but it wasn't in the online white pages. No address, no phone. I even did a reverse search on the phone number he had given me. Was his even his real name? Of course it wasn't! I did an online Google image search and the name did pop up, but the image was an older man, perhaps of the famous family he was pretending to be a part of. His "dead father" perhaps? Or maybe he was taking someone else's name instead! It's happened before in my life. It could happen again.
I alerted the website we met on about his lies! And all the "facts" that didn't add up. All the red flags.
And then it happened.
I did a Google Web search (not an Image search, but a scan of the whole internet) and three people with the same name he was using popped up on Facebook links. So I went to each of them.
And there it was -- him! -- looking much older and fatter -- with the same name! He had some younger pictures so I could see the resemblance, but the current pictures were awful. He hadn't aged well. He didn't look 38. And he was in a relationship, with a link to his boyfriend's Facebook page. We even had a common friend.
So I immediately contacted the website and admitted my error. But it was too late -- the damage had been done. They contacted the guy with my accusations and the subsequent drama made them drop me from their website!
In retrospect, I'm kind of glad everything happened as it did, because if that creepy man appeared at my door, instead of the young hottie in the picture, things would've been very very awkward. And all those naughty scenarios that we expected to recreate would never have happened.
If that same European guy is reading this email, I can only say, good luck in treating your cocaine addiction! And I feel sorry about how your barebacking with other men is gonna effect your boyfriend's health.
Ouch.
(Oh, and maybe I should aplogize, too. Sorry!)
Overview: wouldn't it just be easier (and safer) to meet someone in the flesh at a live sex party?!
Hell, yeah!
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